In local news, UCONN student TV show entitled "I Did Your Mother" upsets female students.

[thanks, tvtattle]

"In fact," says Winthrop, "there was enough hair there you could make a moderate-sized toupee out of it."

Oh, major heebeejeebees. I wonder how often my salon cleans their foot baths?

Speaking of heebeejeebees, it's high season for ticks around here. Walking the dogs has become quite the chore, rolling them over and checking them after they go into high grass, checking myself. I've found at least one tick a day this week, and last night, after I got into bed, propped up my pillows and settled in to read my book, I saw a tick walking across my chest (I was wearing pajamas, yes). I jumped up and dispensed with the thing immediately and then proceeded to strip my entire bed and remake it. Of course now I'm wide awake, scratching at myself and imagining that there's something crawling over me. (the situation was only compounded by my reading material: 'Salem's Lot, by Stephen King) I finished the book at 3:00 AM and fell asleep probably a half hour later. And boy am I paying for it today. I slept until 11:00 (!), but I'm still wracked with aches and pains and a headache. Stupid, stupid me.

Anyway, I wonder, is there a way to spray your yard and the surrounding area with something that will kill the ticks? I should go a'hunting on the Net for information. First, though, I need to get these resumes on their merry way.

"Fundamentally, Aerosmith makes sexy music for good girls..."

Great Slate article on this year's MTV Icon, Aerosmith. I watched the show on MTV on its first airing, and enjoyed it. I don't generally watch tribute shows like that (all the gushing and self-congratulation makes me uncomfortable), but I love these guys. Best part about the evening: Aerosmith onstage at the end, tearing the house down and showing the likes of Train, Kid Rock, Pink, etc., who's still got the goods.

Check out these VERY cool photos taken by the recently upgraded Hubble telescope.

Holy Christmas -- was I really gone for that long? I'm not sure what happened...there was a bright light, and these little guys with really big heads were looking down on me, speaking but not really speaking...then I woke up really groggy, with my clothes on backwards and a sore spot at the nape of my neck. I figured I just had a bit too much to drink on Saturday night, but now that I look at the date...

Just popping in quickly to say I knew there was more going on here than we knew at first. Hmmm...

Hope you're enjoying your weekend!

Cindy and Cyro.

So that's where my tablecloth went!

As if I wasn't insecure enough about my body, now I'll have the trauma of knowing that those airport security yahoos will be seeing me naked.

The story of the woman who has been held captive by her ex-boyfriend on his truck, and was subsequently rescued after a janitor read her plea for help on a restroom stall, is remarkable. So remarkable, in fact, that I get this feeling that there is more to the story than we're hearing. I don't know what yet, but I have a feeling.

Taylor County High School, in Butler, GA, will have its first integrated prom, ever, on May 3.

Ralph Noble, president of the 37,000-member Georgia Association of Educators, said the students' decision "truly shows that children are wiser than adults many times."

Amen, Ralph.

New POTW posted.

Oh my word. LOL, that looks soooooooo bad.

Run away! Very fast!

The dog has been saved. I can now return to ignoring the plights of actual human beings who suffer everywhere.

My GeekQuotient has gone through the roof with the last three posts, hasn't it?

R.I.P., boys.



In Memorium, their first scene on The X-Files:

LANGLY: So, check it out, Mulder, today I had breakfast with the guy
who shot John F. Kennedy.
MULDER: Is that so?
LANGLY: Old dude now, but yeah. Says he was dressed as a cop on
the grassy knoll.
BYERS: And, Mulder, listen to this. Vladmir Zhirinovsky, the leader of
the Russian Social Democrats? He’s being put into power by the most
heinous and evil force of the 20th century.
MULDER: Barney?
BYERS: The C.I.A.
SCULLY: Hmm.
LANGLY: Is this your skeptical partner?
FROHIKE: She’s hot.
BYERS: You don’t believe that the C.I.A., threatened by a loss of power
and funding because of the collapse of the cold war, wouldn’t dream
of having the old enemy back?
SCULLY: I think you give the government too much credit.
SCULLY: I mean, the government can’t control the defecit or manage
crime…
SCULLY: …what makes you think they could plan and execute such
an elaborate conspiracy?
FROHIKE: She *is* hot.
MULDER: Settle down, Frohike.
BYERS: I’m not talking about the bunch of idiots up on the hill trying
to bone the capital pages. We’re talking about a dark network,
a government within a government, controlling our every move.
SCULLY: How can they do that?
BYERS: How? I’ll show you how. You got a twenty dollar bill?
SCULLY: Hmmm… I’ll check.
(She digs into her back pocket, looking at Mulder, who smiles back.
She pulls out a twenty.)
SCULLY: Um-hmmm.
(Byers holds the bill in front of him and rips off its left side.
Scully crosses over to him)
SCULLY: Hey!
(Mulder laughs. Scully looks back at him. Byers pulls out the magnetic
anti-counterfeiting strip.)
BYERS: That’s just one method. They use this magnetic strip to track
you. Whenever you go through a metal detector at an airport, they know
exactly how much you’re carrying.
MULDER: Hey, Byers, it is a federal crime to deface money.
SCULLY: This strip is an anti-counterfeiting measure.
LANGLY: How come it’s on the inside? Other countries put that strip
on the outside.
BYERS: What are they hiding?
(Mulder waves his hands to get their attention.)
MULDER: O… o… ok, alright. What do you know about the Gulf
War Syndrome?
LANGLY: Agent Orange of the 90’s.
BYERS: Artillery shells coated with depleted uranium.
MULDER: Have you heard of any classified planes being flown during
the Persian Gulf War?
BYERS: Why would you need to expose a secret plane to an air force
that runs to Iran whenever you take to the air?
MULDER: What about UFO activity during that period?
(Langly and even Byers laugh.)
LANGLY: Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome, that’s a good one.
BYERS: That’s why we like you, Mulder, your ideas are weirder than ours.

In a continuing Star Wars theme...

"An inside look at the new Star Wars episode: how the young Darth Vader fell in love and George Lucas rediscovered the heart and soul of his epic series."

TIME.com's cover story this week is the new Star Wars movie, set for release next month (May 1? Jeez, I can't find the release date anywhere). The good news: it sounds like Episode II is a better movie than Episode I; the bad news: Jar-Jar Binks is in the new movie, albeit in a smaller role.

Overheard

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

Who did I just hear say this and what are they talking about?

Zap2It talks to Eddie Izzard about playing Charlie Chaplin in The Cat's Meow.

Good morning. How about some good news to start your day: The dog that whose rescue attempt was aborted after it was believed he had gone down with his ship has been found, alive, still wandering around the drifting barge.

OK, how could these two not know that the Church of the Nativity has been under seige for what, about 2 weeks now? And what the hell are they doing vacationing in that hot spot anyway? Good Lord.

Police arrest Robert Blake for the murder of his wife a year ago. It was just the other day that I was wondering if they were ever going to charge him. Why I was wondering about Robert Blake's wife's murder, I can't tell ya. My mind works in mysterious ways.

FOX cancels Ally McBeal. Watch as I dance around the room like that weird little CGI baby. I don't like to be mean-spirited about it, but I never took to that show. I tried a few times to watch it, but all it did was irritate me. I even found the ads for it annoying.

thursday thoughts

The weather has been scorchingly hot in these parts the past couple of days, and today is no different, about 85. That's a bit cooler than the 90s we had yesterday and the day before, but they're still mutant temps for April in Connecticut.

The cloud of disappointment that was hanging over me yesterday has actually lifted a bit today, which I suppose says a lot about my ability to feel anything too deeply, lol. My ego and self-confidence have taken a hit, no doubt about that, but in the grand scheme of things my life hasn't changed all that much. Just my plans for it. For now.

With all of the sunshine and warm weather we've had, Spring is bursting through everywhere I look. Walking little Marty has become an exercise in stop-and-go as he stops to smell every dandelion while I try to go. The lucky locals will be subjected to the 37th annual appearance of my legs in public as I venture out in shorts for the first time this year on a trip to WalMart. I hope the glare coming off my lily-white legs doesn't cause too many accidents in the parking lot.

I'm wearing the Birkies I bought in Key West, but I can't find my toe ring. Damn.

On a lighter note...

A young German couple hid in a bed shop after closing time and passionately tested the water beds for several hours before being caught by police, officials said Wednesday.

No News is Good News

But bad news is still bad news. I never did get that hoped-for good news in the mail, just the opposite as a matter of fact. My application for acceptance into an advanced teacher certification program was denied. There are other avenues to certification that I can pursue, but I don't think I'm ready take this on again, not right now. And so I have renewed my job search, in earnest.

Although I don't know this for certain, my lack of recent experience with children probably contributed to my rejection. It is a very competitive program, and things like assistant teaching, mentoring, participation in programs like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, etc., give candidates an edge over others. Sensing my disappointment yesterday, my mother wrote me this note:

I'm writing this so I don't cry in front of you. Although this paper contains words - believe me there are hugs and kisses and many thank yous in between the lines.

You must understand that for the last 10 years you have been mentoring, caring, protecting and loving to me, and me being me - I didn't leave you much time to mentor others.

I love you. You are certainly a successful woman in whatever you choose to do with your life and I'm so proud of you. Thank you for all your love and kindness. Mommy.

"I'm thinking of becoming a real S.O.B. but I just don't know where to begin."

According to The Spark's latest quiz, The Cuttthroat Test, I am "35% cruel and unusual". How much of a bastard are you?

This week's quiz is waiting for you - Invisibles #71.

which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

[thanks, fark]

Look at what you get when you scrape the bottom of the human gene pool.

How about a couple of good Cinescape articles about the ending of The X-Files?

Series overview.
Get Carter.

New POTW!

Going away for the weekend again - see you Monday! Have a good weekend!

You've all seen the recent headline claiming that a new study shows that alcohol is responsible for about 1,400 deaths of college students annually, right?. This great FOXNews report breaks down the so-called "study" to show its junk-science basis.

[thanks, fark]

This 8-year-old boy drives to school - stopping to pick up a friend, no less! - after missing the bus and gets suspended for his efforts. No, I don't think an 8-year-old should be gallavanting around town at the wheel of a car, but talk about initiative! He should be punished for doing something so dangerous, but I think a 10 day suspension is a bit harsh for an 8-year-old, especially one who actually made an extraordinary effort to get to school rather than stay out of it. Of course, the little guy could have been looking for any opportunity to go for a joy ride and "missing the bus" could just have been a convenient excuse. And how did his little feet reach the pedals?

Peter Bogdanovich's first new movie in 8 years, "The Cat's Meow", opens this weekend. Normally, I could give two hoots about a new Bogdanovich movie, but this one features Eddie Izzard in a well-reviewed portrayal of Charlie Chaplin. The movie actually looks pretty interesting, but since I believe it will only be in limited release (NY and LA) for now, this may have to be a rental.

(registration required)

"Consistent Love takes Masters Lead."

Oo! A report on how to be a better lover?? NO, of course not - just some boring old story on golf.

I had a dream.

You know, Dr. King has ruined that phrase for use by the rest of us.

Anyway, I had a dream last night, and the night before, in which I received some much hoped for good news in the mail. A good omen? I certainly hope so. I'll let you know what it is when I get my answer.

"Just wait till you're 50 ... 50 ... " He turns to Sharon. "How old did you say I was?"

Ozzy her, Ozzy there, Ozzy Ozzy everywhere!

Ozzy and Greta have a date with W. And the world just gets weirder and weirder.

"Powell backed in Mideast bid."

Backed by who? And this is said as another suicide bomber kills 8 near Haifa. Until the zealots who strap explosives to themselves in the name of Allah decide to "back" Powell, there will never be true peace in the region.

I came across this accident on my way to the mall today. The truck overturned on the ramp that I normally take to get on I-84. It was so scary to see it hanging over the edge of that high overpass, and I was worried about the driver. Thankfully, he only suffered minor injuries, unlike another truck driver who took that corner too fast a few years ago and fell down into the river.

I think I know where he hides his money. LOL, hasn't he seen a picture of himself?

"The success of the program has turned the self-proclaimed "f---ing prince of f---ing darkness" into the most lovable metal maniac to ever grace the small screen. And the fact that Ozzy appears oblivious to America's fascination with him as an affable tattooed teddy bear only adds to his endearing allure."

Don't forget, Ozzy's on tonight! It's in heavy rotation on MTV, and you can find last week's episode, "Tour of Duty", at 6:00 PM and 8:30 PM. It's worth watching just to see Ozzy fall backward off his chair. A new episode, "Break a Leg" (well, new to me, anyway), airs at 10:30 PM (all times EST)

D'Artagnan Makes a Courtesy Call

The phone rang this morning and I knew who it would be. Virtually the only calls we get during the day are from telemarketers. It was indeed a sales call, and as I nimbly escaped yet another solicitation for accidental death and dismemberment insurance from my credit card company, my mother came into the room and asked, "Who was that on the phone, a telemarketeer?" All for one and one for all!

New Picture of the Week, left-hand column.

Invisibles

Eip, that one we both missed last week? The Sting. Dur. This week's quiz - the 5 I guessed were correct, but 3 of them had me stumped.

I meant to mention this a while ago: William...Shatner..has a...weblog.

Talking Washing Machine Unveiled. If my washing machine could talk to me, I shudder to think what it would say. "You are disgusting" comes immdediately to mind.

Ah, it's that time of year again..." "It's time for workplace nappers to lie down and be counted," says William Anthony, repeating one of the slogans of his napping advocacy organization, the Napping Company."

It's National Workplace Napping Day, people. I'm sure if you told your boss that you needed to take a nap in observance of this national 'day', he/she would totally understand, right? For those of you who don't have such understanding bosses, allow me to step in and take that nap for you ;).

McGregor, 31, said fans could expect a return to the style of the first three films when "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones" opens next month in the UK. God, I really hope so.

D'Oh!!

Confessions of a Spoiler Whore. You know who you are.

(no spoilers, lol)

A nice tribute to Billy Wilder by filmmaker Cameron Crowe.

(registration required)

Once famous for writhing around atop a sports car in her then husband's music video, Tawny Kitaen has re-claimed the spotlight by beating the crap out of her new husband. A career to be proud of.

Probably the one and only time I will ever link to a picture of Celine Dion. LOL

A woman hangs herself in a Florida jail and leaves a suicide note in which she asks her lawyer to sue her jailers for not preventing her suicide, earmarking the settlement money for the two children she left behind. I would say that the kids would be better off if their mother didn't kill herself, but I don't know...

A woman accused of trying to trade her baby girl for a Chihuahua puppy has been charged with trafficking in children.

The irony here: she is arrested for trying to sell her baby to someone who can take better care of her and as a result the baby remains in her custody. I'm not sure if the baby wouldn't have been better off sold to the neighbor.

Invisibles #69...And the Oscar goes to...

The news webfeed will be temporarily disabled while I work on expanding it.

'Nother New Feature

I'll be posting a "Picture of the Week", ostensibly on a weekly basis but don't hold me to that. The photo will be something from our excessive stock of photo albums and will be either something old, or funny, or dorky - basically whatever strikes my fancy. This week it's my father's picture from the Navy. The photo is extremely damaged, but I managed to clean it up a bit after scanning it in. What a dreamboat.

"Gimme all your money or your garden gets it!"

Sharon may offer Arafat exile. I've been quiet on this subject, but not because it doesn't interest me. My silence comes simply from not knowing what to say about it. This conflict is so historically and politically complex, a peaceful resolution is beyond my figuring.

Farrell Eaves' camera was a perfectly ordinary Nikon CoolPix 990 until he accidentally knocked it into a pond last summer. Now it's a magic camera. If that had happened to me, all I'd have was an $800 paperweight!

More of Mr. Farrell's photos.

Easter Morning

mouseover for description, click on image to view larger pic

Peeps!



They say cockroaches will be all that's left if there ever was a nuclear war. I say they forgot about Peeps.

The Official Home Page.

More Peeps thank you can shake stick at.

Where do Peeps come from?

I got your back, Ruth. I was saying the same thing to my mother the other day. I read something the other day in which Liza claimed he was an animal in bed. Okay, first of all - ew. Second, why the hell am I talking about this?

Bullseye!

"After crashing her car through the store's entrance, Morsicato drove down one aisle to the rear of the building, scattering merchandise in her wake, store manager Coyle said."

Target is having a bad week.

"UConn Passes Toughest Test Of The Season To Win Title, Finish 39-0"

Congratulations, Ladies!

The holiday wanders each year from March to April. Exactly how is the Easter date set? The short answer is it falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon that follows the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere. The long answer requires a trip back through time more than 1,700 years ago.

H A P P Y E A S T E R

It's Easter weekend and there are eggs to be colored, baskets to be stuffed, food to be cooked and an apartment to be cleaned. If you celebrate it, have a lovely Easter. Hopefully, I'll be able to post a thing or two over the nex couple of days; if not, I'll see you on Monday!

New Feature

I'm trying out a new feature - a webfeed of entertainment headlines (see bottom left column). I'm not too sure how this is going to work out - let's consider it a test run. I tried to add another webfeed of online movie reviews to the right column, but it seems that I can't have more than one on a page. To tell the truth, I'm not even sure how it all works, so my problems adding a second section could easily be a result of my ignorance. I'll keep playing.

This woman claims to be the oldest living human - 121 years old. "She has 70 grandchildren, 60 great-grandchildren and 10 great-great-great-grandchildren."

"Police have seized 12 mini-penises which mysteriously appeared in a Belgian museum. Some of them had been dressed and were wearing hats."

Excuse me, I need to go wipe the tears from my eyes...

And in a continuing egg theme, this report from ABCNews.

Google in Klingon? That's just one of the Web Easter Eggs that cnet dishes up for you. You can also find an Easter Egg Archive at eeggs.com.

"I don't know if it was a need for transportation or if they just had the munchies."

I know they were on crack and all, but, uh, guys...if you're trying to elude the police, don't leave a trail of doughnuts.

VCR Alert

For Six Feet Under fans:

"Missed an episode? There's no need to grieve! This Saturday we're showing the first four episodes of Season 2, back-to-back, starting at 9 PM/8c. So when episode 5, "The Invisible Woman" airs on Sunday, you'll be caught up!"

Taser Target

This humorous bit taken from USAToday:

EUGENE, Ore. — The new carpeting at a new Target store is generating static electricity that seems to be zapping customers who push the metal-framed, metal-handled carts. The store has ordered $1,500 worth of anti-shock "kits" in an attempt to halt what has become an epidemic of static electricity since the store opened two weeks ago. As a solution, the retailer will outfit its 400 carts with a small metal chain or bar to "drain off" the static instead of allowing it to discharge through people.

Like Flies

I hesitate to post this. This wasn't intended, after all, to be an obituary page. But I couldn't let Billy Wilder's passing, well... pass without making note of it. Mr. Wilder was responsible for some of the best movies to come out of Hollywood. His diverse directing legacy encompasses comedy, film noir and drama. He was nominated for 21 Academy awards and won seven. One look at even a partial list of the films he was responsible for makes it all too clear that he was one of our greatest movie directors. A sampling:

The Lost Weekend
Double Indemnity
Sunset Boulevard
Stalag 17
Sabrina
The Seven Year Itch
Witness for the Prosecution
Some Like It Hot
The Apartment

And the list goes on. If you've never seen any of these pictures, do yourself a favor and visit your local video store this weekend. You won't be sorry.

Today was a bad day for funny men. Milton Berle died today as well. He was 93. Has anyone looked in on Bob Hope recently?

Sad news...Dudley Moore has died after suffering a long illness. Mr. Moore died from pneumonia, a complication of his disease, progressive supranuclear palsy.

He was such a funny man. When he falls out of the Rolls laughing in "Arthur", I laugh just as hard every time. And although this is very sad news, I had to smile at this quote from the article:

"Announcing his illness in 1999, he said: "I understand that one person in 100,000 suffers from the disease and I am also aware that there are 100,000 members of my union, the Screen Actors Guild, who are working every day.

"I think, therefore, it is in some way considerate of me that I have taken on the disease for myself, thus protecting the remaining 99,999 members from this fate."

"It's the Oscars of Defensiveness (TM): Four-plus hours in which Hollywood tries to pretend it's not racist -- and Tom Cruise is revealed as that Scary Flaming Eye from "Lord of the Rings.""

Those of you who enjoy watching the Oscars may want to steer clear of this somewhat mean-spirited and scathingly funny Salon column: Oscars 2002 - Somebody Make It Stop!. I haven't read anything this funny in a long time.

O H, G R O S S.

Murderabilia

Now I've seen everything: serial killer action figures. The question is, who's more twisted: the guy who makes these figures or the people who buy them? As Johnson says, "If the interest wasn't there, I wouldn't be here."

Full Disclosure

Playboy wants Enron women to bare it all. For the Bankruptcy Babes issue?

Ever wonder what I would look like in a bikini? (wait -- don't answer that question, I don't want to know) Well, wonder no more and feast your eyes on My Virtual Model, because this is close as you are ever going to get to seeing me in a bikini. Does it look like me? Add some boobage and a bit more belly and maybe...



...but mostly it looks like Joanna Cassidy.

[thanks, asianbastard]

Into the Mystic

I'll be spending the rest of the weekend in Mystic with my sisters and some friends. Mystic is an old-time whaling town, just chock full of historical landmarks and a cool aquarium.

All the news that's fit to blog when I get back!

Meet Marty


click on photo to open larger image

We have a new member of the family, and his name is Marty. He seems to like to have his picture taken. Can you guess who we named him after?

"A light tap on the side of your head could one day restore your eyesight, believe scientists." No wonder none of the Three Stooges wore glasses.

Actually, it's the squeezing of an eyeball, the process of which makes the eyeball either longer or shorter, that would in theory improve eyesight. The analogy of the peeled hard-boiled egg really skeeves me out, but it's an interesting concept.

From the ABCNews Crimeblotter:

K E Y S T O N E, Iowa — Good Samaritans on Highway 30, look out!

Billy Lee pulled over after witnessing an accident in front of him on Iowa's Highway 30. After narrowly avoiding hitting a van involved in the collision, he jumped out to offer help.

As he assisted the woman who had been driving the van, Lt. Roger Brown of the Iowa State Patrol said, she told him, "I don't think I'd let him drive your car, he's drunk."

Lee looked up and saw the driver of the other car involved in the accident jump into Lee's Ford Escort and drive off.

The man in Lee's car, later identified by police as Brenton Roberts, headed north on Highway 30. He had been driving his father's car with an unidentified friend, whom he abandoned at the scene of the accident. He was apparently trying to get to the Meskwaki Settlement, an Indian territory where his father lived.

About 15 minutes after the first incident, Roberts got into a second accident, Brown said. When another good Samaritan stopped to help, Roberts asked him how to get to Meskwaki.

"He points him to the right direction and the next thing you know, he takes the guy's pickup," Brown said.

Officers including two local police chiefs chased Roberts — again on Highway 30 — into the Meskwaki Settlement.

There, Roberts allegedly tried to run over the Tama County Police chief, who shot out the tires of Roberts' vehicle. Roberts then surrendered, Brown said, to face multiple felony counts, including attempted murder.

"There were a lot of charges," Brown said.

Roberts was treated for minor injuries, as were several other people involved in the two accidents.

"The Dangerous Logic of Wooing", or, "A Room Full of Giant Udders".

Andrea Yates kills her 5 children and the response is outrage, and justifiedly so; a California man kills his five children and there's nary a peep from the media. Interesting.

Public school's zero tolerance" policy goes too far once again as a teenager is expelled for having his grandmother's bread knife in the back of his truck.

The world's stinkiest sneakers belong to a boy from Connecticut. Yet another reason I'm proud to live in the Nutmeg State.

Woman Bites Off Husband's Genitals. Do I detect a trend developing?

First day of Spring, my ass!