"Hell of a f*ckin' day."

A Two-Headed Beast



It's the following morning and we immediately pick up the threads of the previous episode. Well, not immediately. Instead, we have the dubious honor of watching Con Stapleton wreak holy hell on some Bella Union whore's boobies. Yeah, you heard me right. He's squeezing them like a human mamogram and talking into them like they were microphones and it's a disturbing display that I really didn't need to see. Twice.

First order of business this morning: Adams meets with Hearst, as Al's representative. Hearst uses this first meeting to discern where Adams' loyalty lies, and whether or not he can win it for himself. The main purpose of the meeting, however, is to send Adams back to Dan with a message from Captain Turner: "Go tell your friend I know he's afraid of me." What is this, fifth grade recess? Actually, none of these guys probably got past the fifth grade, so...

Steve the Drunk is getting washed up outside the back door of Tom Nutall's. God, five minutes into the episode and I already want him dead. He's not getting clean, though. He's had a spitoon dumped on his head and I'd say that was just about the most disgusting thing I could imagine happening, but I've seen the rest of this episode. Anyway, Steve's getting ready to sign the livery sale papers.

Merrick is interviewing Alma at the bank and, girl is high as a KITE. And Merrick senses something is not quite right with Mrs. Ellsworth. Trixie looks on in disapproval.

Adams brings Captain Turner's message to Dan and Al and Dan wants to waste no time in killing the sea creature. But Al wants him to wait until he can figure out why Hearst would want the fight to happen.

It's time for the signing of the livery papers. According to Sol's advice to Bullock, Steve is at Nutall's, Hostetler is at the hardware store, and Bullock is between them, in the thoroughfare. At the agreed upon time, Bullock fires his pistol in the air and Steve and Hostetler sign simultaneously. Phew.

While perambulating, Merrick and Blazanov see two of Hearst's men dump a body in the thoroughfare, one that has plainly been murdered, the knife sticking out of his chest being the giveaway. Merrick goes to fetch Bullock and Charlie.

At the Bella Union, Cy suspects that Leon has been selling dope to Lila behind his back. When confronted, Leon tells Tolliver that he was indeed 'coppin' for another', but it wasn't Lila - it was Alma Ellsworth. Cy appears to like hearing this, although it's hard to tell, what with Powers Boothe's great big stone monolith of a face. Does he have any other expression? And can he please take all of those marbles out of his mouth? I can't understand a word that man says.

Charlie confirms that the dead man in the thoroughfare is one of the Cornishmen who have been organizing the laborers at Hearst's mine. Bullock can barely contain his rage as he cleches his way over to the Gem and tells Al that Hearst has murdered a third Cornishman and it's time he is made to stop. Al again asks him to hold off on confronting Hearst until he can figure things out. Bullock doesn't want to, but Adams convinces him to wait just a little longer.

Al is so perplexed by Hearst's motivations that he turns to his confidante of old, the Indian head in the box. Or Chief, as Al likes to call him. Unfortunately for Al, the Chief is unable to illuminate matters for him. As a last resort, Al calls on EB, once the camp's pre-eminent busybody. Alas, EB's busybody glory days are past him and he can pass along nothing of worth.

The rest of Langrishe's Theater Troupe arrives in town - Bellegarde and Chesterton, who is gravely ill - and while they are all enjoyable to watch, they're more distracting than anything else at this point. Especially since I was convinced that Bellegarde was played by Roddy McDowall, even though I know Roddy is long dead. Then it hit me - it's the guy from one of my favorite movies, "Breaking Away", Dennis Christopher. Bon Giorno, Dennis! See, I told you they were distracting.

Finally, Al gives up on trying to understand Hearst. He tells Dan to go ahead and fight Turner.

And holy CRAP what a fight it is! I don't think I have ever seen a more brutal hand-to-hand fight portrayed onscreen, tv or movie, ever. Talk about a two-headed beast. Under the watchful eyes of Hearst and Al, Captain Turner gets the upper hand on Dan early on; and after all the face-biting, the head-butting, the puddle-drowning and the head-bashing, I thought this was the end of our Dan. But no. Our Dan had one more trick up his sleeve. In a last desperate attempt to get the Captain off of him, Dan GOUGES HIS EYE OUT. His f*cking eye was hanging from its socket and bouncing off of his cheek. Ahhh GOD! And then the screaming! I think that was worse than the eye. Dan finishes off the sea creature by beating him to death with a log.

Later on that night, Doc wants to check on Dan to make sure that he's alright, but he wants to be left alone. He's clearly shaken and sits naked, shivering and crying in his room. Johnny asks Al if maybe he shouldn't check on him, but Al tells Johnny, "some shit's best walked through alone."

At the Ellsworth's, Alma gets high in order to steel herself for what's to come: making love to her husband. Poor Ellsworth. I had wondered whether they'd slept together yet, and Ellsworth's reaction to her advances made the answer clearly no. He is very nervous, in a sweet way, but responds to her. When they kiss, however, he realizes that she is high and pulls away. He tells her that he will pack his things and leave that night and to not forget to collect Sophia. Where is Sophia that she needs to be collected?

OK, so the Hostetler/Steve deal has been struck and finalized at the bank, with Hostetler getting his $1200 in gold as payment. But that's not good enough. Steve demands that Hostetler return to him that chalkboard from last season, the one with something about Steve "f*cking Bullock's horse" on it. They spend hours looking for the stupid thing and when Bullock finally finds it, they discover that all of the writing has been rubbed off by the cloth it was wrapped in. Of course Steve - no longer "the Drunk" but "the World's Biggest F*cking Idiot" - won't believe it's the same board and launches into another one of his hateful, blind rages. This is more than Hostetler can take. He walks out of the barn and shoots himself in the head. And I thought I wanted Steve to die before.

The injustice, the wrongness of Hostetler's suicide is more than Bullock can stomach. He goes to find Hearst, who is getting drunk at the Bella Union. He wants to make Hearst pay for the wrong things he has done. Someone has to pay for something. He arrests him and drags him through the thoroughfare by his ear, something I've been wanting to see all season.



Quotes

"That sea creature Turner called me out." ~Dan (just because I love it when Dan calls him that)

"I ain't no f*ckin' coward!" ~Al

"Watching us advance on your stupid teepee, Chief, knowing you had to make your move, did you not just want first to f*ckin understand?" ~Al

"Such acid scrutiny by former boon companions." ~EB

"Makes of me and Tolliver a two-headed beast." ~Al

"The 'why' is what confounds me. What's in his head I cannot f*ckin' find in mine." ~Al

"Come scare me in the thoroughfare." ~Dan's note to the sea creature

"Are they performing now?" ~Richardson (hee!)

"The bank's founder and president, Chief Officer As Well of Air-Headed Smugness and Headlong Plunges Unawares Into the F*cking Abyss." ~Alma's new title (as given by Trixie, of course)

"Johnny, some shit's best walked through alone." ~Al

"When I say 'f*ck yourself', Sheriff, will you put that down to drunkenness, or a high estimate of your athleticism?" ~Hearst