The two best Idol performances from last night.

I gave up watching American Idol at the end of the David Cook season, and hadn't watched it since. Not until, that is, Katie Stevens - who hails from my hometown - made the cut. Of course we had to watch. And so, once again I have been sucked in by that evil show.

I think Katie is very talented (and adorable), and I wish her all the best, but I have to confess that she is not my favorite. That would be Crystal Bowersox. There were two performances last night that I loved: Lee's "Treat Her Like A Lady" (wow, welcome to the competition, Lee!), and of course Crystal's "Midnight Train To Georgia". Enjoy.

Crystal. Kicks. ASS.

It's Official, Dawg.

Simon is leaving American Idol after this season.

Not wholly unexpected, I suppose, especially considering there's been talk of him doing X-Factor here in America for a while now, but still. American Idol without Simon or Paula? Not even Ellen's considerable charms could make up for the loss of those two.

Who would have thought that Randy Jackson, of all people, would be the last original Idol judge left standing?

Is that who I think it is??

Yes! It is! It's Chicken Little!!

I watched while I packed.

Congratulations to David Cook, the new American Idol!

It would seem as though, in the words of the venerable Mr. Cowell, America got it right this time. He's definitely a worthy winner.

I just hope he's able to survive the AI/19E marketing machine and come out the other side with his credibility intact.

Good job, David.

Idol: This is where I jump ship.

I'm sorry but I just don't care anymore and I barely watched it last night. I don't care about who wins, I don't care about who sings what, I don't care whether Paula is high or not, I don't care about Archuleta's dad, I don't care about any of it anymore.

And Randy is an idiot and he makes me want to beat up my TV whenever he opens his stupid mouth. And I love my TV.

Good luck to the remaining performers and have fun if you're still watching. I'm letting go.

Idol Top 5: Results

And the Neil Diamond massacre continues with the group sing. I think the fact that I'm gunning for Archuleta so badly is beginning to ruin my enjoyment of the show. All I see is his dopey face and all I hear is his dopey voice.

Ryan does damage control for Paula's flub last night by not addressing it at all and simply saying that Paula is a part of their family and is not going anywhere. OK. Whatever.

Ryan puts the first two safe singers on the couch: David A. (no surprise) and Jason, and that does surprise me. His fan base must have been power voting last night after the Second Song debacle.

And then he adds Cook to the sofa and the Bottom 2 are Syesha and Brooke. I think it's a toss up as to who goes home.

Mr. Diamond sings something new, "Pretty Amazing Grace" and he sounds great. Really mellow, but really great.

Alrighty, which girl is going to go? Ryan says...Tonight is the night that Brooke leaves us. It's not a surprise, but I will miss her. A lot. And I think that was the saddest singout I have ever seen. *sniff*

David Cook is the only keeping my interest anymore.

I'll be in New Orleans next week, so there won't be a recap from me. You're on your own!

Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies.

Last night's Idol bugged me so much that I've gone to You Tube to listen to some vintage Neil Diamond and soothe my poor, violated ears. And I found some good stuff.

I was only two when this clip first aired, but I like the song. And look at how young he is!





Neil chats with Johnny Cash and sings "Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show" (and looks really hot) 1970:



And one more, from Hot August Night, Cherry Cherry, 1972:



Sooooo many wasted opportunities last night.

For the details on how Paula completely lost her mind last night, read this.

Paula gets confused on Idol.

I've read that the judges normally listen to the dress rehearsals and base a lot of the their critiques on that on not the live performance, but I'm not sure the powers that be want that cat out of the bag. There will major damage control tonight.

I may not watch - I need to really start organizing my stuff for my NOLA trip - but I will post the results.

Idol Top 5: Performances

OK, are we ready for effin' Neil Diamond night? No one is wearing the trademark sparkly shirt, thank God.

Each singer gets to perform two songs, and in a change of pace they won't be judged until after both performances.

Round One

Jason - "Forever in Blue Jeans"- He does a serviceable job, but it's pretty rote. It feels like I'm watching a kids' show from the 70s.

David C. - "I'm Alive" - He gives ND goosebumps, but it's a very poppy song that I don't really know. And it's probably Cook's most forgettable performance.

Brooke - "I'm a Believer" - Ooo, I don't think this was a good song choice for her. She looks terrified! I don't want to sound like Randy but I think she ended up pulling it together in the end and it actually sounded like a different song by the time she finished.

I'm thinking that either Neil Diamond songs are hard to make your own, or he was not a very good mentor because so far, I am not impressed. And they're not singing good Neil Diamond songs, either.

David A. - "Sweet Caroline" - I just don't know what to say about this kid anymore. I cannot STAND him and my dislike is bordering on the irrational.

Syesha - "Hello Again" - She makes it sound like a song from "Pocahontas" or something. I know Neil Diamond is sort of cheesy, but is he really this cheesy?

Ryan asks for a quick critique of Round 1 from all of the judges and Oh my God Paula goes totally off the rails and starts talking about Jason's second song. The song he hasn't sung yet. Does she even know where she is?

Round 2

I don't think I'm ready for this. Why are they singing all of the syrupy stuff?

Jason - "September Morn" - Could he act like he cared LESS about being up there? Maybe he doesn't. Talk about not connecting with a song.

David C. - "All I Really Need Is You" - OK, finally. This I like. FINALLY. Someone connects with a song.

Brooke - "I Am I Said" - I get so nervous when she sings now. Much better than the first song, and she did a really nice job with it.

David A. - "America" - I just can't. Jesus. Atrocious. David, you are no Kristy Lee Cook. The judges love it and I am going to PUKE.

Syesha - "Thank the Lord for the Nighttime" - Very Supremes-ish and it feels like the beat is too slow. Corny.

Man, who would have thought that Neil Diamond night would have been such a nightmare? Tonight was, for the most part, excruciating. I am so disappointed. I need to go listen to "Live at the Greek".

The best of the night: David Cook and Brooke on their second songs.

My predictions for the Bottom 2: Syesha and Jason. Find out tomorrow night who goes home.

Idol Top 6: Results

I'm preparing myself to say goodbye to Brooke tonight. I think there are some more talented singers left, but I really like her style and I think she's a nice person. She just doesn't have the nerves for this anymore, if she ever really had them at all. I just hope that if she does go, we don't get a complete meltdown.

The group song is "All I Ask of You" and it's a good thing that Carly didn't sing it last night. What a snoozer that would have been.

Andrew Lloyd Weber joins Ryan onstage for a little chat about the singers and the performances last night and it's really nice for a change. ALW pretty much tells it like it is. Sir Andrew, can you take Randy's place, please?

OK, so, we have a Bottom 2 tonight. I say it'll be Jason and Brooke. Let's see if I'm right...

The first person in the Bottom 2 is...Syesha or Brooke...Oh my GOD, it's NOT BROOKE. I am shocked. Shocked. Sort of happy, but shocked nonetheless.

And the other person is...Carly. Oh, that is SO WRONG. The Bottom 2 is Syesha and Carly, two of the best three performers last night. Shit. It's got to be Syesha going home, right?

Shit. Carly is going home. She gets some serious props from the judges, and shows a lot of class as she says goodbye. She's much more forgiving than I am right now.

Sigh.

The silver lining? Next week's mentor is effin' Neil Diamond.

Idol Top 6: Performances

It's musical theater night, with songs from Andrew Lloyd Weber, the guy who did Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Les Miserables, Jesus Christ Superstar, Evita...just a ton of stuff. This ought to be interesting.

Oo! Mulder's in the audience! Hee! Maybe he can investigate the unexplained phenomenon of David Archuleta's appeal.

Syesha - "One Rock & Roll Too Many" - Syesha's an actress, I think she's in her element tonight. And she sounds good. And she looks amazing. I still don't like her personality, but being good at musical theater didn't exactly hurt Jennifer Hudson's career.

Jason - "Memories", from Cats - He's no "ancient glamour puss", but he sang it very prettily. It's definitely not up his alley, but he didn't bomb.

Brooke - "You Must Love Me", from Evita - Yikes, a false start, wow. Awkward. That threw her off, but I think she ended up doing an admirable job, especially with her nerves the way they are. I think she did a great job of conveying the emotion in the song, and that's where she's the strongest. But I don't think it was enough to save her this week.

David A. - "Think of Me", from Phantom of the Opera - They bring up all these little girls to hug him and I think I'm going to puke. Anyway, the performance...ALW's advice: he must keep his eyes open when he sings. Ha! OK, so the performance...YAWN. Am I imaginging things or has this kid sung this song a couple of times already? Simon, you are so right - it's forgettable.

Carly - "Jesus Christ Superstar" - She wanted to sing some slow song, but ALW told her she's more suited to JCS. Good advice, Sir Andrew. Very good advice. That was one of her best performances, IMO. Wow. Carly just brought the house down. Good for her.

David C. - "Music of the Night", from Phantom of the Opera - Now that's how you sing a ballad, Little David. I'm surprised he sang it straight, but I think he needed to in order to show he can sing. And he really can.

Results tomorrow night. I'll take a guess and say the Bottom 3 will be Syesha, Brooke and Jason, with Brooke going home.

Idol Top 7: Results

Gosh, there is just so much filler in this show. I'm sorry for how abrupt these results show posts are but, there's just not much worth recapping.

So, short and sweet it will be.

Elliot! It's so good to have you back. He makes me cry with the "We Miss You Mom" written on his hand.

Then Mariah Carey comes out with her sparkly microphone and sings some song about saying Bye-Bye to people you love who have died. I hope Elliot wasn't listening. Hey, do you think she's got a little person who follows her around with a wind machine?

Oh, that's right, it's the Top 7 so that means Ryan's going to do that "split them into two groups and ask some poor slob to choose which is the Bottom 3" thing.

One by one, the singers are brought out and put into two groups:

Syesha, Carly and Jason
David C., Kristy Lee Cook and Brooke

Great. That means David A. is going to have to choose which group he belongs in. I'm not sure he's going to be able to deal with this. Or even understand it. He's just so...dim.

Oo, then Ryan switches Syesha and David C. and tells David A. to go stand with the group he thinks is safe and he does the Bo thing and sits down on the stage, but then Ryan tells him that if he moved toward the group with David C. that he would be safe and Dim David doesn't get it so David C., Carly and Jason come out to meet him. Oy.

OK, so the bottom line is the Bottom 3 is Kristy Lee Cook, Syesha and Brooke. All women, like I said last night. And the person going home is...I've got a bad feeling that Brooke is going home...Oh my gosh! Kristy has finally used up the last of her nine lives. Bye-bye, Kristy. I hope you get your horse back.

Hmm, I guess there was more to recap this week than usual!

Next week: Andrew Lloyd Weber.

Idol Top 7: Performances

It's Mariah Carey night and all I can think of is that Michael Johns would have been singing a bluesy version of "Vision of Love" and it probably would have been incredible.

I can also think of how sick I STILL feel (diagnosis: bronchitis), and how much I don't feel like doing this, or even watching this. I just took a couple of hits off of an inhaler for the first time, so this might be actually be interesting.

David A. - "When You Believe" - Huh. An inspirational, quasi-religious message song. Who'da thunk it? That whoosh noise you hear is the sound of his appeal going right over my head.

Carly - "Without You" - Points for Carly: I love this song (the Harry Nilsson version mostly). And finally, a nice outfit. I think she did a pretty good job, but it's not quite what it should have been. I liked the beginning, with the lower notes, but this song is all about the big high notes at the end and I don't think she hit them.

Syesha - "Vanishing" - I don't know this song, but I thought she sounded good, if a little shouty. Who knows, maybe MC was shouty on this song, too. Syesha, if you keep following the camera like that, your head will spin completely off of your neck.

Brooke - "Hero" - That was nice, and she did what she had to do to make the song different, and her own. She was a little nervous, and maybe a little quick at the end, but it was a nice, stripped-down version. Does she seem to be getting more nervous with each passing week?

Kristy Lee Cook - "Forever" - I'm sort of scared. This doesn't sound so bad sung in her countrified way, but is it just me or is she hitting some really bum notes? No matter, she's not going anywhere. In fact, I bet she's going to end up in the top 3. I think her true talent lies in picking the right song.

David C. - "Always Be My Baby" - He does a really nice rock version of that song, believe it or not. That could easily be a single. David's brother, who is dying of brain cancer, is in the audience watching him receive much deserved praise from all of the judges, and we are in tears.

Jason - "I Don't Wanna Cry" - He's got a tough act to follow, but this is pretty good. Like an Enrique Iglesias single.

I think the guys outshone the girls tonight, even though I think David A. stunk up the joint like he always does, and the Bottom 3 will be all women tomorrow night.

Idol Top 8: Results

Idol Gives Back finishes up tonight, and Ryan says that so far, IGB has raised over $60 million. That's great.

Unlike last year, no one gets a breather this week, and someone will be sent packing tonight. I think. That Ryan is a sneaky one, you know.

The Bottom 3 are, as I predicted: Carly, Syesha and Michael

After short speeches from Bono, Clinton, McCain and Obama, Ryan gives us the results:

Wow. Ryan must be kidding, right? He's being sneaky, right? In the first really disappointing elimination of the season for me, Michael Johns is sent home. But he has an awesome singout and gets major props and hugs from the judges, something you don't usually see. Or at least it's something I've never seen. Wow. That sucks.

Here's Michael's best moment, one more time:

Idol Top 8: Performances

It's Idol Gives Back week, and according to the TVGuide: "The eight remaining finalists perform inspirational songs". Oy VAY. David A. must be wetting his pants in anticipation. All I know is I'm sick and I don't feel like doing this to begin with and the last thing I need is an hour of inspirational songs. This isn't going to be pretty.

Quick word about the judges: Simon looks like he has a suburn and Paula's corset is a little tight. Paula's ladyberries are up to her chin in that getup.

Michael - "Dream On" - OK, so maybe these "inspirational" songs won't be too hard to listen to. He's got the ascot on again, but I don't think he's working it tonight. And those pants do nothing for him. He did a good job with the song, but I prefer the style of last week's performance.

Syesha - "I Believe" - She chooses another song that's going to draw comparisons (to Fantasia this week). Oo, that was all over the place and really? Kind of bad. Paula's just going to be nice to everyone tonight, I guess.

Jason - "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" - Oh, very pretty. I love this version. Very, very nice. He still needs to let out his inseam or something.

Kristy Lee Cookroach - "Anyway" - a Martina McBride song. That's a pretty song. I think that was probably a good song choice for her.

David C. - "Innocent" - Poor, poor song choice. I liked the "give back" on his hand. Simon's going to say it was self-induglent -- actually, he says it was pompous. It wasn't his best.

Carly - "The Show Must Go On" - Another really odd song choice. I agree with Simon - she does come off more angry than inspired.

David A.- "Angel" - Oh, I love this Robbie Williams song. Of course, David takes all of the soul out of it. And he's hitting some really bum notes. Oh geez, he really massacred that song. Just one more reason for me to not like you, David. Of course, the judges love him and I do not GET IT.

Brooke - "You've Got A Friend" - I like the way she just sings a song, without all of the acrobatics, Syesha. I liked it better than the judges did.

My favorites of the night: Jason and Brooke. I think the Bottom 3 will be Carly, Michael and Syesha. Brooke might end up there. We'll find out on Thursday night - tomorrow night is Idol Gives Back. Grab your kleenex, folks.

Idol Top 9: Results Show

OK, here we go, blogged as I watched...

I think the group song, "9 to 5" this week, gets cheesier with each passing week. Am I right? And how could Michael be so drop dead sexy last night and so downright dorktastic tonight? Too funny.

Speaking of Michael, I love his Dolly t-shirt! Oh and David A., quit it with the messages! Jesus! Just relax and be a 17-year-old and leave the message songs for Idol Gives Back.

[Stupid question and answer segment and a weird country trio and the Ford Ad]

I wonder how David C. is feeling tonight? Better, I hope, because he's coming out now. Thankfully, Ryan doesn't risk a heart attack and tells him he's safe right away.

Bo! We were just wondering how he was doing. I'm glad he's doing well.

Bottom 3: Ramiele, Kristy Lee Cook, and Brooke - all roommates!

Brooke must have magic powers - she gets Simon to apologize to pretty much everyone in the room, including Carly. You're forgiven, Simon.

Christ, that story about the Ethopian street kids is heartbreaking. Just heartbreaking. Carly and David C. wipe tears from their eyes.

Dolly doesn't sound so great, but damn she is irrepressible.

Aaaaand, Ramiele is going home. As it should be. And like many others before her, she sounds miles better in her sing out.

Til next week.

Just tell me sexy, lovin' lies.

In the words of a TWoP poster: I think my panties wanted to throw themselves at the TV last night.

Idol: Top 9 Performances

It's Dolly Parton night.

Brooke - "Jolene" - Good song choice for her, but I think she lacked the gravitas the song needed. This'll get lost in the bunch, especially since she's first.

David C. - "Little Sparrow" - This time he does his own arrangement and it's really good. He's very confident, as well he should be. He deserves to be voted for based on the new haircut alone. Yay for the new haircut!

Ramiele - "[?] " - Oops, I missed the name of the song. Wow, Ramiele has become unglued from the stage! She showed more personality this time around, and she managed to move (clumsily) around the stage but...eh. Yeah, she's adorable, but when she opens her mouth, well, not so adorable anymore. She's got to be one of the most uninteresting contestants I've ever seen on this show.

Jason - "Travelin' Through" - Better than last week. Much better. Great, folksy song choice for him, it has a great laid back, groovy vibe. I usually agree with Simon, but not on this - Simon's wrong. And just a note, Jason: If you plan on having kids some time in the future, you might want to ease up on the painted on jeans. Just saying.

Carly - "Here You Come Again" - GOD, she needs a stylist. Or if she has one, she should be fired. However, that aside, she was great. Nice showcase for her voice. Beautiful rendition of that song. Wait -- Oh, Simon, that was just wrong. I mean, yeah, I made mention of her bad clothes but no one reads this blog! I can't believe he told her she needs to work on her appearance, in front of millions of people. Carly looked like she wanted to cry and I can't blame her one bit. People are going to be burning up the phone lines for her tonight. Last week she had to stand up in front of America and say "No, I'm not pregnant", which is basically saying "I'm just fat." And now this.

Simon must hate Dolly Parton's music because he's a bitch tonight.

David A. - "Smoky Mountain Memories" - He sings it really nicely, but this kid just doesn't do it for me. YAWN.

Kristy Lee Cook - "Coat of Many Colors" - Alright, she should be in her element tonight. She acquits herself nicely, but she seemed to have some problems getting her breath when she was singing. Not as much of a home run as it should have been. And not a good idea to sass Simon, Kristy, especially tonight when he's got a serious stick up his ass.

Syesha - "I Will Always Love You" - Will she sing the low-key Dolly version or Whitney the hell out of it? She does a little bit of both and you know what, I think she did a pretty good job. I'm not digging the way she's always on and knows exactly where the camera is at all times, but that wasn't as much of a mess as I thought it might have been.

Michael - "[?]" - Oh MY. H-O-T. Yes, Michael, you can use me for a while. Oo, did I say that out loud? Sweet Jesus, I am downloading this from iTunes, and I have never done that before. DAYUM. I got so worked up I missed the name of the song.

Results tomorrow night. Ramiele, your time is up.

Idol: Top 10 Results

The group sing tonight is Grade A American Cheese. True to form, Ramiele and Kristy Lee Cook stand out as the worst singers. I think KLC's eye makeup weighs more than Ramiele.

The Ford ad, however, was kind of cool.

Auuuggghh! It's Smeagol! And he's making those scary eyes at me!

The Bottom 3: Chikezie, Syesha, Jason

WOW. Jason?? Kristy Lee's song choice was more brilliant than I thought.

Who's going home? Chikezie. Take it Eze, Chikezie. See what I did there?

Next week, Dolly Parton!