"Every step's a f*ckin' adventure."

A Constant Throb/The Catbird Seat

I honestly think that these two episodes will always be inextricably linked for me – they blend right together and seemed to be telling one story.

I was riveted, to say the least. Hearst took things up a notch in his campaign to acquire the Garret claim by having his Pinkertons shoot at, but not hit, Alma as she walked through the thoroughfare; and then he completed his one-two punch by ordering the murder of dear, sweet Ellsworth. I was on the edge of my seat through both episodes, was brought to tears a few times, was caught breathless by some scenes and found myself laughing in spite of the tragedy that surrounded everyone. Deadwood is as funny and beautiful as it is vulgar and brutal. It’s a masterpiece. A masterpiece that HBO cancelled. The f*ckers.

The season/series finale aired last night, but I haven't seen it yet. I'll be catching it On Demand tonight, and I promise a full recap of it this week. In the meantime, a few random thoughts on two extraordinary hours of television:

How disgusting was Con and his “constant throb”?? Dude totally had a carrot in his pants. (how's that for extraordinary?)

Al, Al, Al. He is once again in the catbird seat and it’s good to see. From jumping off the balcony and running to Alma’s aid to slitting the Pinkerton’s throat, from drinking tea with Alma to taunting Hearst across the thoroughfare...it was like Alapalooza, at last. I love his scenes with Alma and wish that there were more of them. And who else could make me wish he’d call me a “loopy f*ckin c*nt”?

The scene in the thoroughfare, with Ellsworth’s body being revealed as it passed by on a wagon, was masterful. Everything about it was perfect – especially the direction and the acting. I was shocked when he was shot but didn’t cry until that scene.

I vary in my estimation of Alma throughout a season – is she brave or selfish or vain or intelligent or stupid or arrogant or sympathetic – but that’s all settled for me after these two episodes. She has now earned the respect and admiration that was previously granted to her solely on the basis of her wealth and social position. And she broke my heart when she cried, “Oh what did I do to that poor man?”

Trixie was amazing, baring her breast like an Amazon warrior as sought revenge for Ellsworth's murder and shot Hearst. I was stunned that she was going after Hearst, but at the same time I totally understood why she in particular would do that. I just hope she survives. Oh, and my heart broke again when she was begging Sol to kill her before Hearst kills all of them.

I’m glad EB finally wiped the spittle from his face, although I doubt he’ll be able muster up the courage to do anything more than that. I read online that McRaney was so opposed to spitting in someone’s face that he faked it and those are digital loogeys on EB.

I love Jack Langrishe, I really do, but WTF is going on with those 2 women? And as if the storyline wasn’t confusing enough, they had to make them look so much alike? I’m assuming that a lot of the theater stuff was laying the groundwork for season 4 storylines that will not happen. I just hope they don’t waste too much time on them in the finale. What was that scene between Jack and Hearst in the hallway all about? Hearst looked like the devil himself. Did he perhaps think that Jack had been standing outside his door, eavesdropping? It just seemed like we lost a scene somewhere along the way, for Jack to be so afraid of Hearst all of a sudden.

As for Tolliver, why didn’t they just kill him off when Andy stabbed him? He’s vile, pathetic, useless and poorly acted by Boothe (imo, of course).

But I don’t want to end on a negative note. How about some good quotes?

“You know, saying I like you hefty don’t mean you couldn’t stand losing a couple of f*ckin’ pounds.” ~ Al (he’s so sweet)

“Oh, I need to take off my corset.” ~ Alma
“And no one objects to that here.” ~ Al

“Telegram’s sent to the Sheriff. Blazanov’s helping Merrick dress.” ~ Charlie
“Why the f*ck would you say that to me?” ~ Al

“Let Adams come back here, be available for whatever nefarious f*ckin’ carryings-on you assign him, ‘cause I do not take orders from you” ~ Charlie

Jarry: "Perhaps then, rather, at this moment you are Socrates to my Alcibiades, taken it upon yourself to edify me."
Hearst: "Are you saying you want to f*ck me?"
Hugo: "What?"
Hearst: "Well, you keep calling yourself Alcibiades to my Socrates. Are you proposing some sort of homosexual connection between us?"
Hugo: "I forgot that part of the story."

“Longest a rug’s lasted so far.” ~ Johnny

"Is it all right then, the article?" ~ Merrick
"Perfect. F*ckin’ wafts just the way you want it to." ~ Al

“My meetings—I provide refreshments.” ~ Al

“God damn it, Richardson. You’re too ugly to be sneaking up on f*cking people.” ~ Jewel

“Big man. Wu—big man” ~ Mr. Wu

“Rouse him to spend on p*ssy, or rob the son of a b*tch.” ~ Al (I loved the whores’ rock/paper/scissors to decide who gets to do it)

One last thing: Jack always refers to Al as “young man”, and my impression is that Jack is supposed to be a good deal older than Al. In real life, McShane is 64 and Brian Cox is 60.

Okay, off I go to watch the last regular season episode of Deadwood, ever. I can't believe it.