My One and Only Reality Show.

And even at that, it's not always easy for me to watch.

After weeks of painfully unnecessary audition shows, American Idol has whittled its contestants down to the Final 24.

I am ambivalent about most of them, but my current favorites, male and female, are Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee. I hate to break it to you two, but that means you ain't gonna make it.

I do feel intense animosity toward Brenna Gathers - who with all the ass-spanking and face-licking she does while performing must have come from the adult entertainment field - which probably means she will last to the final 12, at least.

And so I make no prediction on who will go all the way because, I have my favorites, they have their favorites, and the voters have their favorites, and never the twain shall meet.

Idol is on for 5 hours this week, as FOX tries to pull a Tanya Harding and kneecap the Olympics Ladies Figure Skating in the ratings. Two hours of the ladies tonight, two hours of the men tomorrow night and a one hour results show on Thursday night, when 4 of them will go home.

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm going to be able to sit through all of that. I just can't do it. Please don't let me.