From abcnews.com's Crime Blotter:

B A Y C I T Y, Mich. It would have taken a miracle for convicted robber Chad Gabriel DeKoven to win his lawsuit demanding he be recognized as "Messiah-God," released from prison, and given millions of tons of gold and silver.

Michigan District Court Judge David M. Lawson dismissed the convicted armed robber's suit, calling it "patently frivolous, implausible, unsubstantial and devoid of merit."

In his 200-page court filing, DeKoven also demanded a full pardon, public acknowledgement from Israel that he is King of Jews, peace in the Middle East, safe passage for Osama bin Laden, and the return to the United States of all American military personnel within 90 days.

Additionally, he asked for thousands of animals such as bison, fish and mollusks.

The judge, however, was unmoved by DeKoven "scientific" proof he was God.

"The plaintiff's overwrought attempts to judicially establish 'scientifically' through numerology, symbolic name analysis, and sheer repetitive assertion that he is the Messiah or Messiah-God are unconvincing and clearly baseless," Lawson wrote.

"The plaintiff has no constitutional right to be recognized and treated as the "Messiah-God" or any other holy, extra-worldly, or supernatural being or power," he concluded.

I wish you could see the smile on my face right now.