Idol Top 9: "Lose the beard!"

Now, now, Simon, that's no way to talk about Teri Hatcher. And the Desperate Housewives crack? MeOW!

OK, so this week ended up in the crapper again performance-wise (for the most part). Was it because the songs were country (not my favorite genre) or was it because the singers just plain stunk up the place? A little of both, I think. I also don't think Kenny Rogers was much help to any of them. And the man needs to step away from the knife already! Holy Christmas! Uncle Junior called, Kenny, and he wants his mummy head back.

Taylor sings first and it's probably the most incomprehensible song choice on this show yet. He looks uncomfortable (as does pretty much everyone tonight), sounds off-key and makes me cringe for the first time. And he was one that I wasn't worried about on country night. Not a good start.

Here comes Mandisa singing a Shania *gag* Twain song that I've never heard. Her voice doesn't really sound all that bad to me, I just don't think it fits the song. The judges don't like her performance, either. Simon and Ryan, stop with the cat fights, please.

Elliot's stylist should get a raise or something because that boy has gotten better looking with every show. No small feat, I might add (sorry, Elliot). Kenny gives some good advice and tells Elliot to cut it with the melisma (a new word I learned!) and just sing the song (again, I've never heard it) simply, but when he does he seems really nervous. Not bad, though.

Next we had Paris, who looked very pretty but sang a very boring song that I have heard of and don't particularly like. Again, she looks extremely ill at ease singing this song, which is not like her at all. Randy and Paula agree with me but Simon likes it. I think that's just because he actually recognized the song.

Does Ace have any other clothes? A jacket, maybe? He sings a Keith Urban song that seems to suit his voice, but again, I don't know the original and so can't tell if he's singing it well or not. He's too breathy and nasally for my taste, but it's not too bad, and then he goes and ruins it with that falsetto thing he does and does not do well, I don't care what anyone says!

Tonight was Kellie's chance to shine and it pains me to say it, but she did. After admitting that she was indeed as dumb as she appears to be.

Chris climbed out of his box and sat down and straight out sang a song (another Keith Urban song that I don't know) and did a good job. Except for his IntenseFace he has on all the time. Chill out, dude! He's another one that needs to expand the warbrobe a little.

Katharine sang another song I didn't know, something about making her feel like Elvis, but that didn't matter because she was much better than last week. Whew.

Finally, we had Bucky in the pimp spot and I don't think he has the talent required to reap the benefit of going last. Sorry, Bucky. This should have been your night.

Tonight: Mummy Head sings and someone goes home. Sorry I can't be more specific but at this point I honestly think it could be anyone.

Oh, and BTW, I actually tried to vote last night I was so worried about Taylor and Katharine. Never got through on Taylor's line and was able to get through once on Katharine's, and that has to be a good sign.

ETA: Next week's theme: Queen. If the guest artist is Smeagol I will never watch this show again.