Katie Holmes Turns 27 Amongst Other Imprisoned Playthings: "You're not going to eat this cake? Oh, missy, I think you are. Check your contract. Yes, I realize I say that a lot, but I wouldn't have to if you weren't so resistant to improvising every once in a while.. Now when I grab a fistful of your hair, and I'm not going to lie, it's gonna hurt a bit because I'm a little amped up right now- you open your mouth like a good girl and get ready for a faceful of the finest Fudgey the Whale money can buy."

That photo would be really disturbing if the defamer folks weren't so funny.