Idol - Maybe it's the floor.

First off, I was wrong - tonight's hour will be in LA, not San Antonio. The TV guides, they lie.

Last night's auditions came from Birmingham, AL, the home of Bo, Reuben and Taylor, and overall it was pretty boring.

Paula was only around for the first half and she was so buzzed - er, had so many ants in her pants, that she could barely stay in her chair.

Fifty-year-old Margaret Fowler - yes, the lady who looked like a big, yellow bird is named "Fowl"er - and her ridiculous outfit and behavior, prompted Simon to remark that he doesn't "know what this show has become." I say to that: you made your bed, now you can lie in it. It's their own fault for providing these nutcases with a way to promote themselves to millions of people, at no cost to themselves. Two words: William Hung.

My favorite singer of the night: Chris Sligh, the kid who wants to make David Hasselhoff cry. He's funny and he can sing. Too bad the fact that he looks like Jack Osbourne will probably knock him out of the competition early on. I hope that doesn't happen, but I'm also realistic.

The biggest laugh of the night for me was seeing Simon use the wrong door while trying to get away from Brandy Patterson. "Other door", Simon. Hee!

A bunch of people (20, I think), got through to Hollywood, but most of them were not all that memorable. Oh, except of course for the "Blue-Eyed Bombshell", this season's Kellie Pickler but even more Kellie Pickler than Kellie Pickler. See, her dad is paralyzed and she helps her grandma take care of him. And how did he become paralyzed? Well, he caught his wife cheating on him and shot her and his-self, of course!

Tonight, from Los Angeles, at 9:00.